A parodied version of a letter actually written to the chief warden for your humor.
Sir,
I would like to bring to your notice the matter of mice problem at C.V Raman hostel. An issue that I first noticed on my arrival from my two month vacation on Sunday night in the last week of July 2017. I was shocked to notice that my room had been “ransacked” by mouse or mice unknown. With careful consideration to prevent destruction of evidence and with great risk to my personal security and above all, my health, I tip toed around the room to carrying out my own investigation into the matter, knowing well that the intruder might still be present. Armed with nothing but my wits I entered and looked around my loss of personal property.
My Bata bathroom slippers had been brutally assaulted and stabbed by the well sharpened teeth of this alleged individual. Several plastic bags meant for use and reuse would never have the opportunity to be used and reused by me in the way humans do with similar objects but in this case for a good reason. Notes that I had written with great unimaginable difficulty in pathetic and inhumane conditions that violated my need for sleep lay strewn on the floor torn to bits, probably out of anger for not finding sufficient food. Aside from this my portable keyboard had been in the most inhumane manner tortured and destroyed by this intruder who had gnawed right through it like as if it was panner tikka masala. Oh the horror I tell you colonel sir, the horror! Like as if this was not enough, the mouse or mice had gone a step further and with utter disregard to all that service my room had provided to these criminals they relieved themselves all over my unused bonded paper by using it as a makeshift latrine pit. Which now by the way, in case you are curious, houses one of the best cultivation of Asperigillous fungi better than the ones even that are grown in a high Tec lab of MCOPS along with several other such members of the eukaryote family for sure! (though I confess I have not bothered to check). I must speak to our professors in this regard though if such excellent fungi cultures can be grown in this manner then why use this costly equipment that we possess.
Coming back to the topic on further investigation I found that the intruder has in fact left, after committing this crime and no theft was reported. However I am still skeptical whether to report the matter to the CDC or not for their expert advice into this matter, for it is possible that a biological weapon might have been left behind. It was found that the intruder had skillfully gained entry into the otherwise secure room through the window ventilator and with the help of devices known as incisors placed between the upper and lower jaw had very professionally cut through the plastic mosquito net in more than one location. This leads me to believe that the intruder had received training from some well-known agencies of the animal world with connections with the “All animals crime syndicate” or similar.
I humbly request you to address this situation as soon as possible as it’s unlikely that this was an isolated incident, or even for that matter an incident isolated just to C.V Raman hostel. Which is why I have brought this to your notice rather than the hostel warden. It is well known that large dormice are seen scurrying around Tagore and Charaka hostel often after dark with obvious criminal intentions. It is in my professional opinion a matter of greater threat to the ‘health security’ of hostel inmates than that of mosquitos who are nothing but petty pickpockets compared to these well-armed and trained professionals. And keeping that in mind I implore you humbly once again to use the power that comes with your position to increase the number of rat cakes not just outside the hostel but also inside and also consider the use of other rat trapping devices.
Hope you will do the needful.
Raghuvir Keni
Sir,
I would like to bring to your notice the matter of mice problem at C.V Raman hostel. An issue that I first noticed on my arrival from my two month vacation on Sunday night in the last week of July 2017. I was shocked to notice that my room had been “ransacked” by mouse or mice unknown. With careful consideration to prevent destruction of evidence and with great risk to my personal security and above all, my health, I tip toed around the room to carrying out my own investigation into the matter, knowing well that the intruder might still be present. Armed with nothing but my wits I entered and looked around my loss of personal property.
My Bata bathroom slippers had been brutally assaulted and stabbed by the well sharpened teeth of this alleged individual. Several plastic bags meant for use and reuse would never have the opportunity to be used and reused by me in the way humans do with similar objects but in this case for a good reason. Notes that I had written with great unimaginable difficulty in pathetic and inhumane conditions that violated my need for sleep lay strewn on the floor torn to bits, probably out of anger for not finding sufficient food. Aside from this my portable keyboard had been in the most inhumane manner tortured and destroyed by this intruder who had gnawed right through it like as if it was panner tikka masala. Oh the horror I tell you colonel sir, the horror! Like as if this was not enough, the mouse or mice had gone a step further and with utter disregard to all that service my room had provided to these criminals they relieved themselves all over my unused bonded paper by using it as a makeshift latrine pit. Which now by the way, in case you are curious, houses one of the best cultivation of Asperigillous fungi better than the ones even that are grown in a high Tec lab of MCOPS along with several other such members of the eukaryote family for sure! (though I confess I have not bothered to check). I must speak to our professors in this regard though if such excellent fungi cultures can be grown in this manner then why use this costly equipment that we possess.
Coming back to the topic on further investigation I found that the intruder has in fact left, after committing this crime and no theft was reported. However I am still skeptical whether to report the matter to the CDC or not for their expert advice into this matter, for it is possible that a biological weapon might have been left behind. It was found that the intruder had skillfully gained entry into the otherwise secure room through the window ventilator and with the help of devices known as incisors placed between the upper and lower jaw had very professionally cut through the plastic mosquito net in more than one location. This leads me to believe that the intruder had received training from some well-known agencies of the animal world with connections with the “All animals crime syndicate” or similar.
I humbly request you to address this situation as soon as possible as it’s unlikely that this was an isolated incident, or even for that matter an incident isolated just to C.V Raman hostel. Which is why I have brought this to your notice rather than the hostel warden. It is well known that large dormice are seen scurrying around Tagore and Charaka hostel often after dark with obvious criminal intentions. It is in my professional opinion a matter of greater threat to the ‘health security’ of hostel inmates than that of mosquitos who are nothing but petty pickpockets compared to these well-armed and trained professionals. And keeping that in mind I implore you humbly once again to use the power that comes with your position to increase the number of rat cakes not just outside the hostel but also inside and also consider the use of other rat trapping devices.
Hope you will do the needful.
Raghuvir Keni
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