Love over the counter, a love letter health sciences style. That's how we do it.

Dear Susan,

  Up until now, I thought the most wonderful of all creatures were the ones that resided deep in the oceans. But I was wrong.  The most wonderful of all creatures stood right here before me. As I was engrossed in the purification of toxoplasmosis gondii DNA I looked up, and there stood you. Your structure so fine that you could put even Watson and Crick’s model of DNA to shame. Your hotness is just plain off the charts, such that you denature my proteins. I have no idea how I have still not turned from an egg to an omelette yet. You probably have not heard of me, well that’s because I am so intimidated by you that I can’t speak to you at all, for you seem to shut down my broca’s area like how a macrolide shuts down protein production.

  If only you knew how to me, you are a walking taking stimulant. Who needs amphetamines when they have you? You are like an adrenergic agonist to my body. You activate the beta and the alpha receptors in my body like how Isoprenaline does to a crashing patient, literally bringing him back to life and saving him from the undertaker. Like Digoxin, you have got into my heart. And just like digoxin, it’s in your hands to you to either kill me or to save me. An otherwise seemingly well-protected organ by the ribcage is now at your mercy. I think if I ever crash, no defibrillator will ever be required. All they have to do is just send for you. You are all the cardiac depolarization and repolarization I will ever need. Lubb dubb lubb dubb.

   I want you to be mine forever, like how heavy metals bind to the kidney and never let go, I too will never let go, except like heavy metals I won’t kill you. Rather we will flourish synergistically like tramadol and acetaminophen. I will be flexible as per your needs forever undergoing biotransformation as per your requirement. I will always be there for you like gut flora even when you don’t know it. I will be your prophylactic antibiotic I won’t let anything hurt you. I hope you won’t develop a tolerance but instead just addiction, like how I have. You are the radioactive seeds that are customized to kill my kind of cancer that I have been searching for.  You are my digoxin and I need you. My heart needs you. Intercalate my heart already (sic).  Just don’t give me endocarditis.

Your neighbourhood pharmacist from the cology dept.

P.S we should work on cancer research together, meet me over the counter at 5pm. <3




By Raghuvir Keni